Birthdays

Growing up I always looked forward to birthdays, they were always filled with family and of course, presents! Since TTC, each passing birthday seemingly made my biological clock tick louder and faster. It would be safe to say, I was not looking forward to turning another year older, another year closer to 35. What's my hang up with 35? Well, not only does TTC then start to really become a challenge for those without fertility issues, but carrying a pregnancy starts to become risky for the mother and baby. Our insurance already classifies any pregnancy over 35 at high-risk. High-risk? I feel like I've just started! How can you tell me I'm already nearing the wrap-up stages of my child-bearing years? I cannot say however, that I would have wished to have started trying earlier. After reflecting with DH last night, we are glad that we did choose to wait to try. We believe we may have encountered the same issues then as we are now, but now, we are older, wiser. We have life-experience that can only be gained by going out and living. I am a college graduate, I have traveled the world, I have tried several careers, I became a teacher, I coached and made a difference, I am a homeowner, I have lived and done everything I've ever aspired to do; now how could I have traded that? DH and I believe in teaching our children not only about books, but about life. I cannot honestly say I would have had much to teach them had I not gained my own life-experience. I can teach them all I've learned from living on my own, having roommates, budgeting college, paying their own way, working 3 jobs at once to make sure I could do it on my own . . . granted, love love love it when DH came along! I want to teach my daughter to be her own woman, not to rely on her husband, DH is the greatest company anyone could ever hope for, but he does not define me. He knows and I know, I can make it on my own.



So, having accomplished the things I have, I cannot say I would have done it differently. I trust God will make me a mother. So although I dreaded today for months, alas, it has arrived -- and I'm okay! I've reached another birthday and I'm glad! I am grateful for having another year with my parents, my grandmother, my siblings, DH's family, and with so many friends I've reconnected with and met on this journey of mine. If another birthday comes and I still don't have the one gift I truly seek, I will still be okay. One day, it will happen, someday, somehow. I'm very excited to trust in His plan for us, and to celebrate all there is. Happy birthday to me.