10 dpo - Dreaming of that BFP

Ok, so I'm 10 dpo, and been having some odd dreams, nothing vivid, and no, didn't actually dream of the BFP. I dreamt of my little brother going on his interviews for his residency except he looked like a childhood friend of mine, and he asked my advice on why he wasn't getting very positive feedback. His clothes were dirty and sloppy, I pulled him aside and spoke to him like my brother except I called him by my friend's name, and dressed him like I used to dress my little brother, he looked sharp. I put him back in line and then suddenly I was at my mother's house and there were bees everywhere in the grass! I can't even figure out what these dreams mean regardless of the dreams my friends are telling me! My world's most amazing CB told me about a crazy dream she had where we both had more than one baby!! I happened to really like this dream. Then my other friend that I've had since I was 12, she emails me out of the blue and tells me she felt convicted to write to me to tell me I had great things coming my way in the coming year and to get ready for them. Its very difficult to hear all these powerfully hopeful stories and then also to keep grounded and sane and I find myself somewhere in the middle. Like always, riding that hopeful/realistic fence and thinking it must be possible to be both? I had "friended" a gal on FF because I felt a lot of similarities between her and I and our situations. Her DH had his varicocelectomy a week before my DH did and she just got her BFP!! That's truly a miracle and I never expected it to be possible for it to be so soon, but I'm glad her DH got one in there!! I know all it takes is one, and I know if its meant to, it will happen, so I'm going to keep chugging along, relying heavily on my FFriends, and my CB to keep me sane -- I know some days are easier than others to maintain this task, so kudos to them! :) I hope my CB gets her very special Christmas gift or New Years Gift, I want to see her so happy, she deserves it! I will keep waiting for God's opportune time to let me know what's in store for me. . . . and pray I don't dream of bees, those are creepy.

CD 12 -- Waiting to O

LOL No, not waiting to O that way, but ovulate. I'm not sure how much of a chance we have this month but we are fated to try anyway. My CB and I are offiically the last two on the teacups of everyone I know who is TTC. The rest got off the teacups and went to the big ride of pregnancy, or they just stepped out of line to ride another time. Sometimes, you need a break from the teacups and I understand their choices. It makes you think, "will this ever happen for us?" And that's a heartbreaking question to have to ponder because its a 50/50 shot, yes or no, and knowing one of the possibilities is "no" can really shatter your spirits. I know my CB and I wrestle with these thoughts of despair and hope, its a swirling mess of a ride. It can make you sick if you let the emotions take control. All we can do is keep trying and hope if there is a time to throw in the towel, God will let us know. We pray and pray for either a yes to a baby, or understanding hearts if it is a no.

In the meantime, we try, we fight, we give it all we got: I POAS my OPK that is, and a +, so we started BD'ing this cycle very gently post varicocelectomy, I'm sure it needs more time to take any kind of effect but we feel better attempting at least. DH still has a large mass of swelling/antibiotics that was left in his left testicle, so that makes BD'ing less pleasant but he is in good spirits and walking around much better. Still no lifting, no straining, no running, no fast walking, no push ups, no sit ups, nothing at all, lol per the Dr's instructions. Good luck to all those couples getting sick on the teacups, I hope you find your Big Ride Ticket soon. Sticky thoughts to the rest of my friends and family on the Big Ride already.