CD 1 . . . and DH is watching women give birth.

CD 1 -- AF found me. That jerk. DH and I just got back from Las Vegas and a much needed break from TTC, from work, from stress, and now we're so tired!! Hahaha. As I lay here with my cramps and bloating, and of course, non-pregnancy, DH is educating himself by watching "The Business of Being Born". Man do I love him. He is just as much hoping and wishing for that experience also. He is so amazing. He is watching all these home births and natural births and not getting grossed out, he just wants to be educated.

We get our results in a week, and I need them to be good. How can a man such as this, not become a father? Please Lord, please.

Slowly rising.

3 dpo -- HA! I am again 3 dpo as FF moved my CH (crosshairs) to cd 12 as O day. I didn't even have to override it did it when entered today's temp. 98.0 by the way. I have been slowly and steadily rising by .10 degrees since O. With that slow rise, I feel another something slowly rising, warranted or not, but my hope. DH went in for his post op SA this morning and although we won't know the results until March 7th when we go in for our consultation with the urologist, DH said he saw an increase in volume already. That has to be good news, right?? Well, hopefully both will continue to slowly rise . . . . my temps and my hope. Babydust & FTTA.

3 dpo? Not sure I agree, but post O for sure.

FertilityFriend went ahead and marked my O day as cd 11, which is unusually early for me, I'm really not sure I agree. I will wait and see what the next couple days of temps do, and I may go ahead and override again (makes me feel like such an expert) and move O to cd 12. Doesn't matter a whole lot since we didn't get much bd'ing in with DH's work schedule and with the SA requiring abstinence during my fertile week. Other than being very gassy, lol, which I know even by some miracle I was pregnant, I wouldn't be experiencing hormone related symptoms of pregnancy in my 1-3 dpo. I read that a majority of women implant 7-11 dpo and until that embryo implants, technically, you're not pregnant.
What I would LOVE LOVE LOVE, is for an "all signs point to yes" sort of experience. Its much too early to analyze would-be symptoms, so I'll elaborate on what an ideal scenario for me would be:
Post BDing, post O, I would like a slow rise of temps from 1 dpo to let's say 6 dpo. On 6 dpo, I would be moderately high in temps. 7 dpo I would see a sharp drop in temps below coverline. I would notice this sharp decrease and would immediately text my CB who would bring me down to earth and cheerfully hope with me. She would stalk my chart from here on out. I would see spotting today. I would then mark my chart, and not talk about it anymore as in fear of jinxing anything (I know myself too well). 8 dpo I would see a staggering increase in temps back to where 6 dpo was. My chart would have a picture-perfect "implantation dip" accompanied with "implantation spotting". I've had mid-cycle spotting and I've had mid-cycle drop in temps, never one with the other so as to confuse me greatly. 9 dpo my temps would rise a bit more and would then stay triphasic.

I have seen BFP charts that look exactly like this, their owners just know they are pregnant. These teacups by now have me second-guessing all my internal organs and their functions because during the 2ww, I swear my sinuses act up on purpose (stuffy and runny nose and sore throats are early symptoms due to the estrogen increase) and I feel twinges and pangs in my abdomen more so during this time than any other. So all these possible symptoms always drive me crazy and send me up and down, spinning around, with emotions, what-ifs, highs, lows, the hateful, hurtful, hopeful, teacups.

Oh yeah, did I mention DH's SA is tomorrow? Happily we are heading to Vegas Baby this weekend to relax, unwind, spending quality couple time before DH leaves for training this spring. DH is active duty military, part of the reason our TTC journey has taken so long, he's usually not physically present so therefore neither were his swimmers in any vicinity of my egg. I need to get my mind off the results, and get to a happy, supportive place. Hopeful, and prepared. Our motto. It might be devastating news, it might be hopeful. Please pray for us. We won't find out until we get back from our 'vacation'. Let it be good. Let it be good. Let it be good. Please, please, please, let it be good.

Fertile Week and SA's.

CD 12 -- pretty sure today will be O day. Tiny temp rise but having O pains and this is my 2nd positive OPK (I usually get 2 days because I'm a POAS addict and I probably catch the LH surge early and late). So I don't know how it keeps happening this way but I'm so not a fan -- DH will get his SA scheduled near the end of our fertile week. I can't change when my fertile week will be, our uncooperative lab only does SA's two days out of the week and requires 1 full week to get the results so we have to do it at least a week before our next urologist appt, which is March 7th. For those of you who don't know, SA's require a period of abstinence, anywhere from 1-5 days depending on the Dr or lab. DH was asked to have a 3 day abstinence period. 3 DAYS!! Normally, I wouldn't care if DH needed 3 days of rest, but in my fertile week?! Booo. So now I'm just complaining that this SA has potentially ousted our chances this cycle when in reality I need to know this SA result to see if we even had a chance to worry about.

In other news, my original CB had a her baby. He is adorable, looks just like mom and dad. It was so nice to see him and am thrilled for their blessings. It was a tough car ride back though. DH and I sat silently and I know our thoughts and hearts were flowing as one. We got home and just cried with each other. I would also like to see that perfect combination of DH and I, to be pregnant, to have morning sickness, to feel kicking, to have a bump, things many people take for granted, and I know that might not be. It can't be wrong, to wonder, to hope, to dream . . . I know TTC is a hard, treacherous road for those of us with infertility issues, but I don't think we're wrong to want that precious gift of life, too. Its never "instead of", I don't wish a blessing instead of someone else's, I wish for "also". To my CB and awesome friend, you are deserving, and I wish you a BFP before June. There isn't anyone I know whom I'd be happier for. FX'd this cycle!

Cycle Day 2 is a lonely place to be...

CD 2; I didn't bother temping this morning since AF kept me up all night and I was taking ibuprofen periodically it wouldn't have been an accurate temp anyway. I thought my pity party was done but I feel the remnants lingering around. I'm trying to just understand its a new cycle, a new chance, but I get that negative attitude that I try so hard to keep at bay of 'its not a new chance, its the same chance, its the same one in a million chance you had last year and the year before.' I really need to see the new SA results. I need to see if our chances have improved. If its still going to be a miraculous event if we conceive, I wouldn't beat myself up about it every month it doesn't happen . . . or so I think anyway. We're still waiting for our insurance to get their act together and correct our referral so we can make our appointment for the next SA. DH diligently takes his FertilAid, wears his boxers, eats healthily, does all he can that he is in control of and we leave our prayers for the rest of it. I know if God chooses us to be parents, we will be, I pray that He decides we are fit. I pray the surgery worked. I pray my heart accepts and is at peace with whichever way it turns out.