Over a year of absence, but not abstinence....

God has blessed us. We were just about to start a new round of Clomid and IUIs and the Drs advised us this was it, next month when we start (this was May)we will try exactly 3 rounds, then looking into adoption is all we have left. Okay, harsh, but we knew our attempts were running out and we knew adoption was always on the table. We just thought conception would be in our life story also. Well, I filled my prescription for Clomid mid May to start whenever AF showed up. I was still charting and temping but not as obsessive as in the years prior. Anyway, I was just waiting for AF to show up so I could start my Day 3 of Clomid. Waiting. Waiting. Hmm, surely my temp should've dropped, still up? Weird. Should I test? No, don't jinx it. Ok, normally my temp always drops on 12 dpo, its still high! Ok, I caved, I poas, nothing obvious....but is that a hair line faint line I might see???? Who to ask??? BFF in WI look at this picture (I texted my pee stick to her, yes, she loves me) she thinks maybe, hmm, take another with a different test?? I say I can't, I discarded the urine! Will have to wait til morning, fmu is best anyway right? So now I have no sleep, can't say anything to Shane, can't get his hopes up again, we've had too many false alarms. So first thing in the morning, I drive to Walmart after Shane goes to work at 6 am. I get a digital test and an early response test. Remember this cycle was au naturale still!!!! Ok, breathe, test, wait..... aaaaaagghh!!! TWO LINES!!! Digital...PREGNANT. Yes, first person I tell is my BFF in WI, and I'm bawling, scared, happy, out of this world joyful. What now? Need a blood test. I call the base, they know we are being treated for IF so they say come right on in. I wait for an hour which seems like 4 days, and beta is positive!!! We are pregnant!!!!!

Skip forward to present day. I'm now nearly 20 weeks pregnant with a little one due in January 2013. God is so so good. We never understood His timing, but we don't need to. Our trials have strengthened us and prepared us for hard times. We appreciate SO INCREDIBLY fully our blessing we've received in a way that someone who didn't go through it, will never understand. We are grateful for each day in our journey. Military family going through deployments, tdy's, separations, and on top of all that, throw on 5 years of infertility....we've broken, but we've come back stronger than ever and with the deepest understanding of joy. I now have a new blog. Contact me if you need the info but I will no longer post on this blog. But I did want to update those thousands of people who visit this site trying to understand infertility and hope for the chance it can happen, know it can. I've checked the stats on this blog, I was amazed to see how global this blog has reached and I wish you all the best in your trying. I hope you get off the teacups. Pray, it will help. Trust, it will happen. Love, no matter what happens. We have conceived naturally, after a grade 3 varicocele repair. We conceived a year and a half after the surgery, naturally. Hang in there. So far, baby is doing GREAT, no problems, just joy. --Wish you the best, Valerie

TTC Break

We are on a ttc break for the summer as DH and I are running around Texas, NM, and who knows where else. We will not prevent lol but not try so hard as I'm not even available to my doctors in Oklahoma. So, until I have further updates and regular internet access . . . see you soon!

Annie O

MIA-Missing in action. Since my last post, literally the next day things went NUTS! We received a cash offer on our house with a catch, we had to close in 2 weeks. What?! So DH and I had an hour to think it over and decided it was for the best. We had to pack up everything and get it all to storage in 2 days since DH as you all know was about to head to tech school for the summer. So I've been without any computer access except my phone (which we know inputting lots of text on a touch-screen is less than ideal) and have been living out of a suitcase. Now that this has happened I guess my body flipped out from the stress also and my temps decided to stay elevated but af showed up anyway. I never took a test as af was here. I became a little concerned that my temp never fell below coverline and I was well passed when my fertile cm should have been present and had creamy cm instead. I started spotting which is not common for me during ovulation and so my cb asked if my af had been normal. I said well, cd 1 was normal and then it was essentially spotting. She asked if i had tested, I said no. Could it be that I was pregnant or something else? I took a test the next day and was a bfn. My spotting had turned to a flow and I still don't know what happened. I could have had a cyst perhaps. I could have maybe actually been pregnant. I could have just needed a reset after femara. I will never know. All I do know is that I had to record an Annie O. Annovulatory cycle. A complete cycle from what I gather with no ovulation. It has me perplexed and I am trying to assume maybe a cyst did develop, maybe it was just annovulatory. Because all I have is hindsight, I can over analyze it all but instead I choose to live for today. I am in a new cycle and I hope I get my O signs soon, just so I know I'm back on track. Stay tuned, we'll hope...

The Dreaded Temp Drop of Death

CD 1: bbt: death drop -- LOL it sounds terrible I know, but its the sharp drop in temps that tells you AF is on her way. Usually she will follow a death drop on the very next day, sometimes, the same day. For me, I knew she was coming so I hoped she would come quickly so I could start hoping for next cycle's chances. I no longer need my grieving days, to mourn what might have been. I'm at peace with His plan, my Heavenly Father who is the Master Planner. I was happy that she came within hours so I could see when our next fertile week would be. And yes! I will be with DH during that time so I'm happy about it. The only part of me that is saddened is the physical part of me that has to endure the bloating, discomfort, fatigue, irritability, and cramping. But, God wouldn't have made me a woman if I couldn't handle it! We will be on the teacups au naturale from here on out so we put our faith in our marriage and unity and above all else, God. Please pray for us. (I have a special fondness for St. Gerard, please pray for us, too!)

12 dpo and still climbing?

12 dpo: bbt 98.65 -- Well color me confused.  My Fertilty Friend Chart

I didn't know what to expect this cycle, its had me running blindfolded since cd 3.  I guess I don't expect AF tomorrow anymore, I'll need to see a temp drop before I expect her.  I've had cycles with just a .05 bbt drop and the spotting begins.  If my luteal phase is extended from having medicated this cycle, I really won't know when to expect spotting or AF until my temps give me a clue.  Right now they're just trying to make me hopeful which I'm resisting as much as possible, abundance of really, more so than any hope at all.  I have vowed to never eat 15 bean soup in the 2ww EVER AGAIN.  I had really nagging twinges in my abdomen today and I just can't decipher if its gas bubbles moving annoyingly through my intestines or a symptom that I need to track.  I didn't sleep well again last night which can still be attributed to trying to rest during the day also.  Maybe I need to wear myself out so I can get some sleep.  My back has started to feel uncomfortable (from laying down all day I'm sure) and I've started a headache again (sigh, from scouring any clues online about "symptoms" on my phone).  A dear friend did her best to help (via text) me check my cervical position but there was just no figuring that out for me.  I'll stick with temping.  I think I've resolved to not poas again until Saturday if AF has yet to arrive.  Another dear friend (aren't I lucky to have so many) had her very handsome baby boy yesterday and DH and I were overjoyed to see his safe arrival.  I think its hot in here, must be Baby Fever.  :)  Good Luck and keep us in your prayers!


**Bleh wouldn't you know as soon as I post this I have to pee, and I noticed spotting on the paper.  Just a little.  I hope it stops, but it could mean AF really is on her way.  **